Unserious postmodern paintings.

The linnet had been invited to tea not for its song, but for its posture. It had spent three weeks rehearsing the…

The peacock had been waiting for its appointment with the Bureau of Avian Nomenclature for forty-seven minutes. It had submitted Form 7B-Δ…

The centipede had been contemplating the nature of left versus right for seventeen minutes when it realized it had forgotten which end…

The anemone had spent the morning rehearsing its neutrality, convinced that any sudden movement would be interpreted as a cry for help.…

The axolotl had been told, earlier that morning, that it was not a salamander but a perpetual larva, and since then it…

The taipan had been consulted three times that week on matters of existential dread, fiscal responsibility, and the proper way to fold…

The cougar had agreed to the upgrade only because the shelter promised better naps and unlimited kibble. Now, every time it blinked,…

The snipe had earned three doctorates before most of its flock learned to fly in a straight line. Now, it sat in…

The mouse had promised to fix the leaky faucet by noon. It arrived at 11:58, stared at the dripping tap for seventeen…

The bandicoot had been waiting for the kettle to whistle for seventeen minutes, a duration it considered moderately infinite. It had read…

The rabbit had been waiting for the kettle to whistle for seventeen minutes. When it finally did, it lifted the lid with…

The starling had decided, after years of mimicry and muttered sarcasm, to stop performing irony altogether. It had tried being sincere once…