Unserious postmodern paintings.

The emu had been waiting for the rain to stop. It didn’t know it had already melted. For three days, it stood…

The gorilla had been promoted last Tuesday, though no one remembered voting for it. It arrived each morning at 8:15, placed its…

The plaice had expected more from its brief stint as a decorative centerpiece after being left behind by the fishmonger’s delivery boy.…

The shoebill had been invited to tea by mistake, but having arrived, it refused to disappoint. It sipped Earl Grey with the…

The gazelle had been seasonally adjusted every third Tuesday since the budget cuts, a quiet ritual overseen by no one and recorded…

The hare had outlived three generations of weavers who swore it blinked only when the moon was full. It never spoke, never…

The booby had been seasonally adjusted last Tuesday, per Regulation 7.4b, which mandates post-molt recalibration for all federal avian personnel. It did…

The swan had been invited to tea by the widow who insisted on proper etiquette, and though it had never learned to…

The barnacle had been punctual for 17 years, 3 months, and 14 days — not by choice, but because the municipal water…

The grouper had stopped trying to be ironic three Tuesdays ago. It no longer blinked at the mugs, nor did it interpret…

The goldcrest had been there for three days, according to the clock on the wall that no longer ticked. No one had…

The honey badger had been promoted after a misunderstanding involving a vending machine and a misplaced stapler. It now attended quarterly synergy…