Unserious postmodern paintings.

The woodpecker had been told, in no uncertain terms, that it was not authorized to peck here. It had checked the clipboard.…

The pintail had been told, long ago, that wisdom was the quiet recognition of futility. It now stood where the light failed,…

The sandgrouse had been employed for three Tuesdays to stand in the corner of the break room and look vaguely concerned when…

The euphonia had earned three PhDs in avian linguistics, quantum ethics, and Renaissance typography before lunch. It had declined tenured positions at…

The becard had been reliable for exactly three Tuesdays in a row — bringing the mail, refilling the sugar bowl, and humming…

The coucal had waited all morning for the mail to arrive, certain today would bring the letter confirming its acceptance into the…

The zebu had been hired for its symbolic value—‘resilient, earthy, authentically bovine’—but after three months, its duties had dwindled to occasional eyebrow…

The weasel had been asked for advice on fixing the leaky roof. Instead, it recited the migratory patterns of Arctic terns, then…

The treecreeper had spent three days climbing the same vertical inch of bark, convinced the acorn just above its beak was the…

The greenfinch had been violently pleasant all morning, a state it achieved by aggressively offering seeds to the houseplant, then scolding the…

The quelea had spent three days deciding whether to land. It had flown past the saucer seven times, each approach aborted by…

The pewee had inherited the monocle from its great-aunt, who insisted it was the only way to properly judge the thread count…