Unserious postmodern paintings.

The bat had been retconned three times that week—first as a metaphor for bureaucratic inertia, then as a symbol of forgotten urban…

He had once made crowds gasp with flaming torches and blindfolded knife throws, but now the circuits in his bones whispered upgrades…

The anteater had been told the ants were in the walls. It had believed this for three days, pressing its snout against…

The loris had been waiting for the ventilation to return for seventeen days. It had stopped counting after the third week, when…

The sunfish had been adjusted for winter, though no one could agree what that meant. It did not eat, nor did it…

The buttonquail had spent three days arranging the buttons by hue, size, and year of manufacture, pausing only to verify each placement…

The magpie had been waiting for the toast to cool for seventeen minutes, a duration it had measured by counting the drips…

The shrike had been promoted after a merger it did not understand. It arrived at 7:03 a.m., straightened its tie with its…

The silverfish had been waiting for the 3:15 p.m. budget review to end for seventeen minutes. It had memorized the rhythm of…

The yak had been seasonally adjusted last Tuesday, after which it ceased to low, to graze, or to notice when the janitor…

The woodcock had not moved in three days. It did not blink when the notification chimed, nor when the teacup cooled to…

The bulbul had been waiting for someone to notice it was emotionally available. It had practiced its gaze in the mirror for…