Unserious postmodern paintings.

The bulbul had been waiting for someone to notice it was emotionally available. It had practiced its gaze in the mirror for…

The mahi mahi had been promoted after three years of flawless scale alignment in the Fish Licensing Bureau. Today, it was processing…

The walrus had been promoted to Senior Analyst of Marine Mammal Synergies last Tuesday, though no one could recall applying for the…

The duck had been waiting all morning for someone to notice it was ready to listen. When the child finally sat down,…

The octopus had been practicing push-ups for three weeks, convinced it was the key to earning respect from the houseplants. It had…

The vulture had been told, long ago, that it was determinedly mediocre — not by critics, but by a passing ornithologist who…

The monkfish had spent three hours arranging the tea bag just so, believing sincerity required precision. It did not drink tea. It…

The beaver had been told, very seriously, that if it did not adjust the thermostat by 8:03 a.m., the building’s HVAC system…

The lion had been promoted last Tuesday, not for competence, but because no one wanted to argue with the HR form that…

The snake had passed the bar exam last Tuesday, though no one had told it yet. It wore the wig because the…

The warthog had come over to discuss boundaries, not because it was invited, but because it noticed the host looked tired. It…

The penguin had been promoted to Senior Aesthetic Advisor after three years of flawless posture and zero unsolicited squawks. Today, he reviewed…