Unserious postmodern paintings.

The warthog had come over to discuss boundaries, not because it was invited, but because it noticed the host looked tired. It…

The penguin had been promoted to Senior Aesthetic Advisor after three years of flawless posture and zero unsolicited squawks. Today, he reviewed…

He had been promoted three weeks ago after a clerical error in HR misfiled his application under 'Primate Liaison – Senior'. No…

The boa had been there for three days, according to the note taped to the door that read 'Do not disturb. He’s…

The gallinule had been told, by a very serious mole in a waistcoat, that heroism required absolute stillness in the face of…

The clownfish had decided, after three weeks of observing the drifting algae and the occasional bubble, that mediocrity was not a failure…

The salmon had been invited to the quiet breakfast nook not for its flavor, but for its reputation as a creature of…

The broadbill had accepted its fate three Tuesdays ago, not with sorrow but with the quiet resignation of a bird who’d read…

The lyrebird had arrived at 08:00:00 every morning for 1,462 days, never early, never late. Its mimicry was flawless — it could…

The motmot had been assigned to File Section 7B after a clerical error in avian migration logs. It did not protest. Each…

The quail had been told, long ago, that heroism required stillness and precision. It practiced daily in the empty room, waiting for…

For exactly seventeen minutes last Tuesday, the alpaca was the most talked-about creature in the city, not because it did anything remarkable,…