Unserious postmodern paintings.

The capybara had inherited the chair and the book from its great-aunt, who believed sentimentality was best expressed through beige fabrics and…

The hog had been promoted after three years of exemplary mud-wallowing and snort-based morale boosting. No one questioned the paperwork—it was notarized…

The locust had been appointed Deputy Minister of Unofficial Affairs by a committee that no longer met. It took the role seriously,…

The banteng had been promoted three weeks ago, though no one remembered voting for it. It arrived each morning at 8:15, clipped…

The worm had spent the morning avoiding both admiration and contempt, having long ago concluded that excellence was a burden and invisibility…

The scaup had been told the lake was closed for renovations. It believed this. It had followed the scent of wet bread…

The crab had waited three tides for the moon to align with the kitchen timer. When the light flicked on, it expected…

The legally distinct darter had been waiting for exactly seventeen minutes when the light flickered once, then steadied. It did not blink.…

The nighthawk had been waiting for three hours and forty-seven minutes, as indicated by the digital clock behind the reception desk that…

The goshawk had been told, in a dream involving a very confused squirrel, that it was the Messiah—but only on Tuesdays and…

He had been waiting for the comet for seventeen years. Not because he believed it would come — he didn’t — but…

The oyster had stopped trying to be ironic years ago, after the third failed art show where critics called it 'too on…