Unserious postmodern paintings.

The lamprey had once been loved — not for its function, but for its quiet persistence in the dark corners of the…

The skua had been immortal for 317 years, though it never remembered to mention it. It had outlived three lighthouses, two wars,…

The cisticola had not moved in seventeen minutes, though the cat had blinked twice, the clock had ticked forward, and the teacup…

The kagu had decided, after years of quiet observation, that excellence was overrated. It arrived each morning at precisely 8:13, perched with…

The impala had been priced at $19.99 after a clerical error in the exotic pet warehouse’s inventory system, and no one had…

The shoveler had been told, by a very serious sparrow who wore spectacles made of bent wire, that today was the day…

Reginald had agreed to pose for the portrait only because the artist promised him a sardine tartlet afterward. He adjusted his monocle…

The snipe had been purchased at a liquidation sale for $4.99, advertised as 'tragically affordable' due to a manufacturing defect in its…

The honeyguide had retired from leading humans to hives three years prior, but habit proved harder to shake than instinct. Each morning,…

The eland had been invited to tea by mistake, and rather than cause a scene, it decided to lean into the error.…

The hedgehog had been on sale for three days. No one bought it. Not because it was broken, but because it was…

The cricket had been famous for exactly seventeen minutes, after a local newspaper mistakenly published a photo of it mid-leap beside a…