Unserious postmodern paintings.

The peacock had been late once, in 1897, and the butler had frowned. Since then, it had arrived at precisely 3:00 PM…

The egret had been told, in a dream three nights prior, that perfection resided in the measurement of grout. It arrived at…

The clam had agreed to the tablet only because the tide had left it stranded near a discount electronics bin, and the…

The cormorant had stopped fishing three days ago, not from lack of fish, but from a quiet realization that the act no…

The cicada had expected applause after its seventeen-year wait, but the room was empty except for the fern, which did not clap.…

The hedgehog had been waiting for the tea to cool for seventeen minutes. It had read the instructions on the tin twice,…

The dragon had been scheduled for a performance review at 3:15 PM. It arrived at 3:14, blinked once, and then refused to…

The gull had been online for seventeen hours straight, refreshing the same thread about municipal waste policy with the fervor of a…

The carp had been declared post-ironic by a committee of retired librarians who met every Tuesday to reassess the emotional valence of…

The lamprey had once been loved — not for its function, but for its quiet persistence in the dark corners of the…

The skua had been immortal for 317 years, though it never remembered to mention it. It had outlived three lighthouses, two wars,…

The cisticola had not moved in seventeen minutes, though the cat had blinked twice, the clock had ticked forward, and the teacup…