Unserious postmodern paintings.

The pufferfish had been told the interview was at 3:00 sharp. It arrived at 2:55, puffed itself up to maximum readiness, and…

The spinetail had been waiting for the comet for seventeen years, though it had long since forgotten what a comet looked like.…

The bananaquit had decided, after considerable internal debate, that the armchair was the only acceptable place to contemplate the existential implications of…

The flamingo had been promoted after the previous incumbent vanished during a team-building trust fall. It did not understand spreadsheets, but it…

The anchovy had retired from the school years ago, not due to age but to a quiet disagreement over migration routes. It…

The budgerigar had been promoted to Junior Undersecretary of Avian Protocol after three years of flawless memo filing and zero chirps during…

The meerkat had spent three hours rehearsing the greeting. It knew the rules: eye contact, slight bow, no sudden movements, and always…

The redstart had been promoted unexpectedly after the previous analyst vanished during a team-building retreat. It arrived at 7 a.m. sharp, feathers…

The greenfinch had not meant to stay. It had flown in through the cracked pane seeking only the crumbs left from breakfast,…

The stick insect had been waiting for the kettle to whistle for seventeen minutes. When it finally did, the insect, overcome with…

The hedgehog had waited three hours for the toast. Not because it was hungry—though it was—but because the toaster had promised ‘golden…

The yellowhammer had been told the beige was a metaphor. It believed this for three days, then began to doubt the metaphor,…