Unserious postmodern paintings.

The armadillo had been waiting for the toast to pop up for seventeen minutes. It did not pop. It merely browned, then…

The scorpion had been adjusted last Tuesday, per Facility Memo 7B, after HR noted a 12% increase in sting-related complaints during equinox…

The salmon had been caught that morning, not for eating, but because it insisted on being seen. It had swum upstream past…

The tinamou had been told, once, that sincerity was a virtue. It took this literally. Now, every morning, it stood on the…

He had been doing this every Tuesday and Thursday for seventeen years, ever since the vision came during a particularly dull game…

The cougar had accepted the promotion out of boredom, not ambition. It now attended quarterly reviews, filed TPS reports with meticulous claw…

The vulture had been waiting for three days, though it could not say why. It did not hunger, nor did it feel…

The sloth had been appointed Provisionally Heroic by the Committee for Questionable Accolades after reportedly not moving for seventeen days during a…

He had promised to arrive by nine. The walrus, impeccably dressed and profoundly indifferent, had instead spent forty-seven minutes rehearsing his entrance…

The shearwater had flown 3,000 miles only to find the sky replaced by ceiling tiles. It paused, considered the injustice, then decided…

The oyster had been promoted to Junior Clerk in the Department of Maritime Formalities three weeks prior, a decision still under review…

The crocodile had stopped complaining about the ventilation three weeks ago, realizing no one was listening. It had tried nudging the vent…