Unserious postmodern paintings.

The snipe had been told it was moderately infinite, which it accepted without surprise. It had stood in this exact pose for…

The axolotl had been asked, three days prior, whether it knew the meaning of life. It blinked slowly, then said, 'Probably not,…

The cormorant had been voted 'Most Tasteful' by the Avian Aesthetics Council three years running, a title it accepted with the quiet…

The petrel had waited all day for the fish that never came, not out of hunger, but because it had been promised…

He had earned seven doctorates and declined three ambassadorships to perfect the dab. Now, in the Ministry of Redundant Excellence, he performs…

The marmot had been famous for exactly seventeen minutes after a viral clip of it yodeling in the Alps. Now, in the…

For exactly seventeen minutes, the tinkerbird was famous—not for its song, but for having fixed the town’s only cuckoo clock by tapping…

The puffbird had not flown south that year, nor any year since the one when the wind smelled like burnt toast and…

The frigatebird had been voted 'Most Tasteful Avian Specimen' by an anonymous jury of interior designers three years running. It accepted the…

The chickadee had been waiting for the stars to align for three weeks. It had read the pamphlet. It had done the…

The cardinal had earned three doctorates in ornithology, behavioral economics, and avian urban planning before realizing no journal would publish its work…

The mule had been left there three days ago, not as punishment, but because the stableboy forgot to untie the rope after…