Unserious postmodern paintings.

The herring had been declared tasteful by a committee of retired food critics who met in silence every third Tuesday. No one…

The kittiwake had been promoted three times that quarter for its unwavering adherence to protocol: it did not migrate, did not call,…

The otter had been waiting for the ventilation inspector for three days. He brought tea. The inspector never came. The otter drank…

The skipjack had earned its MBA through a clerical error and now, despite lacking opposable thumbs or a understanding of TPS reports,…

The orca had trained for weeks, memorizing the arc, the timing, the splash. Today, the rubber fish — meant to leap from…

The conch had been offering advice for three days straight — not because it knew anything, but because it enjoyed the sound…

The tiger had long since abandoned the jungle for the quieter pursuit of refinement. Each morning, he polished his monocle, steeped his…

The dipper had belonged to someone who once believed in the quiet dignity of routine—tea at four, a single spoonful of honey,…

The badger had not sought promotion, but when the vacancy arose after Greg’s sudden retreat to a monastery in Bhutan, HR deemed…

The galah had been told, in no uncertain terms, that it was not official — not by the council, not by the…

The barracuda had not eaten in three days, not from lack of hunger, but because it had realized, with quiet dread, that…

The wryneck had spent three days trying to interpret the diagram on the box marked 'Assemble Me', convinced it was a map…