Unserious postmodern paintings.

The herring had spent its life avoiding attention, believing humility was a virtue best practiced in silence and sideways glances. When the…

Greg had been promoted to Senior Compliance Liaison three weeks ago, though no one could recall him applying. He spent his days…

The gannet had been told, years ago, that it was mildly haunted. It did not argue. It simply stood where it was…

The ferret had been translucent for exactly three days, ever since it licked the strange moss behind the coal bin. It did…

The kaka had been declared provisionally heroic after reportedly nudging a lost glove toward a crying child three Tuesdays ago—though no one…

The bird had been waiting for exactly seventeen minutes and thirty-two seconds, though it could not say why. It had rehearsed the…

The binturong had spent three hours contemplating whether dew was the sky’s apology or its punctuation. It concluded, after noting the third…

The euphonia had spent the morning rehearsing its humility in front of a cracked mirror, then decided to demonstrate it publicly by…

The hog had been there for three days. No one remembered bringing it in. It didn’t eat, didn’t grunt, didn’t move except…

The magpie had been waiting for the attic to remember it was supposed to be haunted. It had practiced its eerie stare…

The colugo had been told, by a very serious badger in a waistcoat, that glamour required stillness and silence. So it stood.…

The falcon had been invited to tea, though no one remembered sending the invitation. It arrived precisely at three, bowed once, and…