Unserious postmodern paintings.

Bernard had retired from active infestation after thirty-two years on the same scalp, though he still kept his union card and a…

The leopard had agreed to the upgrade only because the IT department insisted it was mandatory for compliance. Now, every time it…

The spider had not moved in seventeen hours. It had seen every meme, read every hot take, and scrolled past the same…

The mussel had agreed to the upgrade only because the tide was late and the Wi-Fi signal was stronger indoors. It now…

The knee had been waiting for someone to notice its impeccable tailoring for seventeen minutes. It had practiced the angle of its…

The canary had agreed to listen, not because it wanted to, but because the silence after the last tenant left felt like…

The scaup had stopped being ironic three years ago, though no one noticed until it began refusing to migrate. It now spends…

The hyrax had been waiting for the elevator to arrive for seventeen minutes. It had pressed the button three times, each press…

The bird had been hired last quarter as a symbolic mascot for resilience in volatile markets, though no one remembered to tell…

The razorbill had been told, by a very serious puffin in a waistcoat, that glamour required stillness and a carefully chosen angle.…

The rail had been installed on a Tuesday, though no one remembered why. It served no train, carried no cable, and was…

The gorilla had been promoted provisionally after the last human hero resigned to pursue alpaca farming. No one questioned the paperwork—it was…