Unserious postmodern paintings.

The badger had spent three nights adjusting the telescope’s focus, convinced the buzzing light above was a distant pulsar. It wore no…

The mallard had been seasonally adjusted last Tuesday, a process involving mild vacuum pressure and a calibrated soundtrack of distant geese. It…

The toucan had expected ripeness. The mango, though yellow and fragrant, yielded only mealy pulp and a faint sourness. It had waited…

The eider had been seasonally adjusted last Tuesday, a procedure involving minor recalibration of its internal thermostat and a brief, polite apology…

The godwit had been told, in a memo slipped under its wing three days prior, that it was to await further instructions…

The possum had been haunting the attic for three weeks, not with moans or cold spots, but by quietly rearranging the teacups…

The wattlebird had not left the sill in seventy-two hours, convinced that the next viral trend would reveal the true purpose of…

The buffalo had been promoted three times in six months, each elevation accompanied by a new wellness stipend and a mandatory mindfulness…

The thornbill had spent three days studying the toaster, convinced it was a nesting box designed by indifferent engineers. It had memorized…

The pollock had been there since Tuesday, though no one remembered putting it up. Janitorial staff avoided it, not out of superstition,…

The tapaculo had been left in the studio overnight after the artist forgot to cover it with the usual cloth. By morning,…

The heron had read the sign that said 'Free Lunch' and assumed it applied to all birds, regardless of species or dietary…