Unserious postmodern paintings.

The owl had been waiting for the toast to pop up for seventeen minutes. It had already read the instruction manual twice,…

The kagu had promised itself it would be extraordinary—just once. It had practiced standing on one leg for seventeen minutes, memorized the…

The bird had been promoted yesterday. No one explained why. It now signed forms with a claw, nodded at memes it didn’t…

He had been told the tide would turn at dusk, and it had — just not in his favor. The boat, untied…

The silvereye had waited three days for the beige to notice it. It had practiced stillness in front of mirrors, adjusted its…

The wombat had signed the lease three years ago, convinced by the agent’s promise of ‘emotional stability through neutral tones.’ It now…

The parakeet had been told, repeatedly, that wisdom meant offering advice. So it did. It told the teacup it was chipped because…

The caiman had spent the morning practicing humility in front of a mirror made of still water, repeating the same bowed posture…

The reindeer had been promoted mid-migration after demonstrating exceptional proficiency in quarterly goal alignment during a blizzard. Now it attended mandatory synergy…

The bateleur had been retconned yesterday — not by decree, but by consensus, after three librarians swore they’d never seen it before.…

The raven had been told, by a very serious squirrel in a waistcoat, that mirrors revealed truth. It had flown three towns…

The porcupine had been invited to the Countess’s soirée under the impression that ‘black-tie’ referred to its natural coloring. It had spent…