Unserious postmodern paintings.

The puffbird had decided, after three years of contemplation, that excellence was overrated. It had applied for promotion twice, been politely declined…

The cricket had been declared provisionally heroic by the Institute of Minor Anthropods after surviving three days inside a sealed jar labeled…

The lemming had been elected by acclamation after a unanimous vote of silence. It did not know why it was chosen, nor…

The macaque had been meditating for seventeen days, not because it sought enlightenment, but because the fluorescent rash it developed after eating…

The warthog had been promoted to Senior Mediocrity Officer after three years of flawlessly average performance in the Department of Unremarkable Outcomes.…

The mole had passed the bar exam by a single point, a fact it never mentioned. It adjusted its bow tie, cleared…

The salmon had been asked, once, for advice on overcoming inertia. It blinked slowly. 'Try not moving,' it said. The questioner left,…

The minnow had been nervously beige for three days, ever since the curtain rod fell and it realized it had never actually…

The bird had been told it was the Messiah, part-time, between molts and tide cycles. It showed up every third Tuesday at…

The cockroach had been promoted three days ago, after the previous management—two humans and a very confused mouse—abruptly vacated the premises following…

The sheep had been told, long ago, that sincerity was a virtue. It took this literally. Every morning, it positioned itself exactly…

The yellowhammer had been hired for its keen eye and steady temperament, traits valued in volatile markets. It arrived each morning at…