Unserious postmodern paintings.

He had been told, repeatedly and with great solemnity, that he was the radiantly average cacique — not the wisest, not the…

The goose had been waiting for seventeen minutes, which it considered precisely the right amount of time to express its gratitude for…

The robin had been told, by a very serious squirrel in a cravat, that glamour required stillness and shine. So it polished…

The fulvetta had been invited to tea, though no one remembered sending the invitation. It arrived precisely at 4:17 p.m., adjusted its…

The seedeater had spent the morning debating whether the dampness on its feathers was a metaphor for existential uncertainty or merely the…

The colugo had been waiting for forty-three minutes. It had not moved since arrival, not because it was tired, but because the…

The elk had been promoted to part-time messiah after three years of exemplary punctuality and a miraculous ability to fix the office…

The macaw had been waiting for someone to notice it wasn’t a bird but a misunderstanding made visible. For three days, it…

D. Puffin had been processing Form 7B for seventeen minutes when the coffee machine sputtered and died. He did not sigh. He…

The bushbaby had been waiting for exactly seventeen minutes when the teacup went cold. It remembered the human’s voice saying, ‘I’ll be…

The pipit had been waiting for something to happen for exactly seventeen minutes, though it could not say what. It had tried…

The blackcap had been told, by a very serious moth, that elegance was the only way to be taken seriously in the…