Unserious postmodern paintings.

The orangutan had been promoted after three years of flawless form-filing and zero incidents involving banana peels in the stairwell. It did…

Every morning, without fail, the caiman arrives at precisely 7:03 to begin its ritual: newspaper folded to the finance section, left paw…

The mule had been hired for its unflappable demeanor and seasonal adjustment certification, though no one could recall what exactly it was…

The blue jay had spent three hours explaining the thermodynamic inefficiency of teacups to the empty room, citing avian metabolism and the…

The cheetah had been running for three days straight, chasing a rumor that the library’s rare atlas contained a map to a…

The camel had been a dromedary yesterday. Today, it is not. No one remembers when the change occurred, or if it ever…

The dugong had been promoted three weeks ago after correctly stamping Form 7B in triplicate without being asked. It did not enjoy…

Phoebe had been employed, briefly, as a symbolic mascot for a defunct birdwatching app that folded after its CEO realized no one…

The jackrabbit had been practicing stillness for three years, convinced that heroism required neither motion nor applause. When a tumbleweed rolled past,…

The weaver had been told, long ago, that philosophy was best pursued with dry hands and a clear mind. Instead, they found…

The rhinoceros had been told, by a curator with a linen tie and no sense of irony, that tastefulness required absolute stillness…

The caiman had accepted its fate three Tuesdays ago, when it realized the shower never turned off and the tiles were too…