Unserious postmodern paintings.

The halibut had been left out overnight, not by accident but because the cook had forgotten it was there after arguing with…

The whitethroat had been retconned yesterday, though no one noticed until it refused to sing the old melody. It now remembers only…

The kea had decided, after three years of careful observation, that excellence was overrated. It had tried brilliance once—stealing a tourist’s sunglasses…

The tinamou had been told, once, that knowledge was power. It had not been told what kind of power, or how to…

The gnatcatcher had been waiting all morning for the fly to move. It had rehearsed the approach: a slight hop, a quick…

The mongoose had been waiting for three Tuesdays. Not for anything in particular — just because the telescope, left behind by the…

The caracara had promised itself quiet after decades of scavenging airfield runways and arguing with lawyers over nesting rights. Now, it filed…

The kinglet had been promised a promotion to Head of Avian Protocol after three years of flawless nest-archiving and punctual dawn choruses.…

The hamster had been promoted to Junior Analyst last Tuesday, though no one remembered assigning him the role. He arrived each morning…

The peafowl had been told, in a memo it never received, to remain calm during the inspection. It had practiced stillness for…

The millipede had been reliable for exactly 47 minutes yesterday — enough to carry the mail from the porch to the hall…

He had been promoted to Junior Synergy Analyst three weeks ago, though no one could explain what that meant. Each morning, he…