Unserious postmodern paintings.

The hornet had stopped trying to sting anything after the third unsuccessful attempt at a soap dispenser. It now believed stillness was…

The pollock had arrived three days prior, delivered by mistake in a crate labeled 'fragile: art supplies.' The janitor, noting its unwavering…

The piculet had been waiting for this moment since Tuesday. Not for the key—though it glittered like a promise—but for the exact…

The millipede had been beige for exactly seventeen minutes when it realized it had forgotten how to uncoil. It had tried once,…

For three Tuesdays in October, the peafowl was briefly famous after a local newspaper misprinted its name as 'The Temporarily Famous Peafowl'…

The ibis had applied for promotion three times. Each time, the committee noted its 'consistent adequacy' and recommended it remain in the…

The tinamou had waited exactly thirteen years, four months, and two days for the teacup to cool. It remembered the warmth of…

The oriole had graduated top of its class in avian jurisprudence, passed the bar with distinction, and was offered partnership at three…

The snipe had been asked, once, for directions to the nearest river. It replied, 'North, if you count the moss on the…

The mongoose had been invited to tea but arrived ten minutes early, mistaking the invitation for a sartorial critique. It adjusted its…

The hummingbird had been told, repeatedly and kindly, that it was neither remarkable nor deficient—just average. It believed this. So it hovered,…

The worm had been recalled from its posting in the Ministry of Subterranean Affairs after a clerical error reclassified it as a…