Unserious postmodern paintings.

The pelican had been hired last Tuesday to verify the rice inventory after the third unexplained disappearance of a tablespoon. It arrived…

The hummingbird had been assigned to Monitor Wingbeat Compliance in Sector 7-G after a clerical error misclassified its species as 'avian liaison.'…

The hamerkop had been promoted provisionally after successfully retrieving a lost sock from the dryer—a feat deemed 'above and beyond' by the…

For exactly seventeen minutes, the kudu was the most famous animal in the building. A janitor had photographed it mid-yawn during his…

The saiga had been waiting for the elevator repairman for three hours. It had filed Form 7B in triplicate, waited in the…

The pheasant had stopped performing irony three years ago, after realizing no one was left to notice. It now occupies the armchair…

The muskrat had spent three Tuesdays measuring its own mediocrity, not out of ambition, but because the garage light flickered in a…

The linnet had been promoted after three years of exemplary seed-sorting and dawn chorus compliance. It now attended budget reviews with silent…

The goldeneye had applied for promotion three times. Each time, it was told it lacked the 'spark' but showed 'reliable adequacy.' It…

The megapode had been promised divinity on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but today was Wednesday, and the attic smelled of old paper and…

The oriole had known for three days that today was the day the roof would collapse—not with drama, but with the quiet…

The mullet had been grown not for style, nor rebellion, but because the barber had misunderstood the request for 'something easy to…